But He Wasn't Howard
by EvelynandRose
Summary: The story of Howard and Peggy's relationship and friendship after the war. -Evelyn
1. Chapter 1

_April 1930, England_

Peggy

"...and glory to our father in heaven. Amen."

"Amen," I repeated, and sat down.

For the next half hour I amused myself by counting the tiles on the stained glass windows until I was interrupted by a tap on my shoulder and a small note that dropped onto the floor in front of me.

I snatched up the piece of paper and craned my head around, trying to see who had been daring enough to throw a note in the middle of church, while still looking like I was facing forward towards the front.

I'd never seen him before, then again, we never saw many new people anyways. The same people tend to show up to the same boring tea parlours in our little neighborhood and discuss the same boring works on etiquette. I could hardly imagine that a many great variety of interesting people would want to go to such a thing anyways.

I talked to him afterwards as we'd both agreed without words that it would've been utterly impossible to do any talking in the middle of church. The stern look I'd gotten from my aunt wasn't exactly encouraging either.

The first thing I noticed was his accent; it was the funniest accent really. He was handsome too, dark hair and dark eyes. Despite clearly not knowing anyone, he was confident. In fact, he practically radiated confidence. He gave the impression of someone who needed no assurance about himself from others, but was so nonchalantly pleased with himself that his own assurance was all that was needed. But he did not seem overly self-centered either, but simply someone who would hardly ever let himself be told that he was any less than his perception of himself. And I could tell this all from the few sentences I spoke with him.

"Are you from America?" I asked, interested.

"I am. New York City, actually. You know where that is?"

"Of course I do! I'm Peggy by the way. My aunt's over there talking to her friend."

He nodded. "Hmm, she's talking to my aunt, I wonder why I've never heard of you, Peggy?" he said with a smile.

"Well, I've never heard of you…" I trailed off embarrassedly, realizing that I didn't know his name.

"Howard. Howard Stark. I didn't mean to offend you Miss Peggy, it was only a joke."

"That's alright," I said, "I didn't take offense."

"And my note passing did not offend you?"

"No, though I do wonder if you throw paper around in church regularly. We take church quite seriously here," I replied with an upturned nose.

He smiled again. "I do too, my family and I are all quite religious really, I was only trying to get your attention.

"There you are Peggy!" I turned to see my aunt walk over with her friend trailing behind.

Her friend teetered in her heels and then slowly made her way to us. " I'm Ms. Daisy Stark, you can call me Daisy though. And, you must be Annemarie's delightful little niece!" she exclaimed.

"Yes ma'am," I replied politely, cringing at being labeled as "little".

"Your aunt Annemarie tells me you are a very bright child, top of the class!"

"Yes ma'am, I try my best."

"And what is your favorite subject?"

"I like to study history."

"Ah yes, you are bright! Quite intelligent! How old are you child?"

"I'm eleven, ma'am," I replied, still trying to figure out her reasoning that anyone who liked history could automatically be considered bright and intelligent.

"Oh, what a precocious girl! Just precocious!" she exclaimed joyfully, "Peggy dear, you are quite the precocious little girl!"

I heard a little gasp of laughter behind and glimpsed Howard nearly snorting with laughter. I realized that I had made a face this time at being called "little" again and that he found my discomfort in the presence of his overpowering aunt quite amusing.

"Isn't that right Peggy? Ms. Stark asked you a question."

I looked up in surprise to see my aunt looking at me, clearly waiting for an answer, no doubt finding something unladylike in my missing of Ms. Stark's question.

"You said you were eleven, dear?" she asked again.

"Yes ma'am I am."

"Why, you are almost the same age as Howard! You are a bit small for your age, Peggy, but what a perfect little lady! Howard is thirteen. But, let me introduce you both!"

I exhaled in exasperation. "No ma'am, that's quite all right, we've met."

I saw my aunt shake her head at my impoliteness, but chose to ignore it.

Ms. Stark, not taken aback at all, continued on, saying how us four just had to go out to her favorite tea parlour for lunch sometime and how Howard was staying with her for a few years to be educated here in London.

My aunt nodded. "Of course, Daisy, we would be delighted."

Later in the car ride on the way home I was scolded for being so uncourteous to Ms. Stark. But I hardly paid attention.

We went out for tea the next day. It was my turn to laugh as I saw Howard sitting in a little pink tea parlour eating cranberry muffins and sipping tea with too much cream in it as gracefully as he could. He told me about how his father owned a company with all the newest technology, things that five years ago, nobody had even thought of. I, in turn told him about my father, how he'd returned from the war to tell me about it. I spoke of my father as a hero. And he was. I told him how I planned to join the army someday, something that I really hadn't told anyone. Howard then told me about his home, New York City, about the lights in Times Square that made it seem as if it was always daytime, about the big bridge that crossed over a stretch of water and about the surprising quaintness of some little neighborhoods in Brooklyn. To a girl of eleven who'd never been out of the little shires of England, his stories seemed like those of a fairytale. In fact I imagined that it was a place of princesses and knights, and that without a doubt, was far more exciting than any place I'd ever heard of.


	2. Chapter 2

_October 1943, New York City_

Howard

"Where to Mr. Stark?"

"Brooklyn, Jarvis. To the colonel's office, I have to go to that meeting today at ten o'clock," I answered.

He nodded then in his thick British accent replied, "Of course, sir."

We drove for a while in silence. I sat, pondering the events of the last few weeks. I had received a call from Colonel Phillips, the head of the Strategic Scientific Reserve branch, asking me if I would be interested in working with him on something called Project Rebirth. What he told me was like nothing I had ever heard before. Of course, top secret government business was not new to me, I had been working for the Strategic Scientific Reserve since I had finished university, when my father handed over his famous technology company, Stark Industries, to me. My family had been one of the wealthiest in the country and our revolutionary technology made us one of the most famous as well. The colonel had thought that the technology Stark Industries produced would help with the war effort and recruited me to research and experiment for them as well as be their weapons specialist. But still, what he told me about Project Rebirth was so different than anything I had ever worked on, that I was stunned that he had told me about it. The goal of Project Rebirth was to create an army of super soldiers using a serum invented by a Dr. Erskine, who I was told, was rescued from Germany, where he was held prisoner, and was now helping the Allies. I was definitely interested in the idea, but I still didn't know where I came into the plan.

When we arrived at the office in Brooklyn, I stepped out of the car, thanked Jarvis, and began the long process of providing passwords and identification that would allow me to attend the top secret meeting. As I opened the door, I immediately made eye contact with one of the only familiar faces in the room.

Her brown eyes lit up with recognition when she saw me and she arched her brows and gave a little smile as if to tell me that she had succeeded, against all odds, to be in the army, as she had always dreamed of.

I paused for a moment at the doorway until Colonel Phillips rose and said in his gruff way, "Stark, take a seat, we have important things to discuss today."

I sat down and tried to pay attention as Dr. Erskine and Colonel Phillips took turns talking about the plans for their project, but I couldn't help continuously stealing a look at Peggy. But, she was completely focused on whoever was speaking in the room at the time, or at least she seemed to be. I couldn't remember the last time I'd seen her on a visit to London. It had to have been before I started university, so eight years? She sat in the most poised way, her faced with the expression of complete interest in whatever was being discussed. She was so graceful, and so very different from when I last had seen her.

I suddenly realized Colonel Phillips glaring at my obvious distractedness and like a disobedient child, turned my gaze to Dr. Erskine. He was speaking about the man the had chosen to be the first to receive the supersoldier serum, someone named Steve Rogers. He praised him and told us of how Rogers was the right one to become a supersoldier, how the serum would amplify all of Rogers' good qualities; his bravery, his intelligence and above all, his kindness. He told us of how he'd planned for Rogers to undergo the process to become a supersoldier next week, here in Brooklyn.

"That's where you come in, Stark," Colonel Phillips interrupted, "we want you to help out with the process, the technical aspects of it."

I nodded thoughtfully, as if I had been paying attention the entire time.

After the meeting was over, I walked over to Peggy, who was rising from her seat.

"Hello Howard," she said, turning face to address me.

She looked annoyed, so I just grinned. "Hello Peggy. Now I know you've been terribly lonely without me and it's been such a long time, but try to restrain your overwhelming sense of joy at the sight of me."

She nodded, "Yes, it has been rather long hasn't it? And you never wrote."

I looked at her apologetically. It was true, I hadn't written to her after I left for university even though I'd promised to.

"Well, I know someone as sweet and forgiving as you will surely find it in her heart to forgive me once I make it up to you," I said, half jokingly, but also in complete seriousness as I had rarely been required to apologize for anything.

Her face softened a bit, sensing how uncomfortable I actually was. "Very well, I shall give you a chance," she smiled. "You're quite lucky that I have missed you, Howard, or you wouldn't have gotten off so easily," she added.

"I think you're the lucky one, Peggy. Now you get to spend all your time with me!" I joked. "But first, I think we have some catching up to do," I said, "would you like to go for some lunch with me?"

"Well, I don't see why not," she replied, grinning.

The two of us climbed into the car and I introduced her. "Jarvis, this is Peggy Carter she's an old friend of mine."

"Pleasure to meet you, Ms. Carter," he said politely.

She smiled and replied, "Ah, a fellow countryman! Mr. Jarvis, I'm sure we will get along."

"Oh yes!" I said, "I forgot you were both from England. You two will have plenty to talk about on the ride to lunch."

After about fifteen minutes we stopped in front of a small but pretty Italian restaurant and Peggy and I walked in. We were seated within a few minutes and after we ordered our food, we began to talk. She told me of how she had graduated the ladies school in London her aunt Annemarie had sent her to and began to look for work in the army, although the war hadn't started yet. "My aunt Annemarie wasn't too happy about me wanting to work for the army!" she giggled. She continued on, telling me how she hadn't found any work working for the British army, so she had moved here and gotten the job at the SSR. "They weren't going to let me join at first, but then I told them that I knew that they didn't want to hire a woman for the army, but that I at least deserved a chance and that I hadn't crossed the Atlantic to be denied even the chance to help win the war," she told me.

"So, they let you join? Just like that?" I asked. I was incredibly stunned. Peggy was more than qualified, but Colonel Phillips was not the type to be persuaded.

"Yes actually, they did. I think I stunned them a little."

We talked a little more and then strayed to the topic of Project Rebirth.

"So who is this Steve Rogers?" I inquired casually.

She blushed, which surprised me. "Well, you heard what Dr. Erskine said about him; he described him quite perfectly really."

"So have you actually met him?"

"Yes," she replied and looked down shyly at the table.

Her short answer took me by surprise again. Why on earth was she so reluctant to talk about him? I asked a few more questions until she finally spoke of him more easily.

"He's quite remarkable actually. I think you'd be friends, if you met him," she said. "If Dr. Erskine's serum works, if he does become a supersoldier, I think he will be an amazing hero, America's hero. I think he will help us win the war. He really is remarkable."


	3. Chapter 3

_March 1945, London_

And he was. He was everything Peggy had said he would be. He proved right away that he was remarkable. At times, I was secretly jealous of him. But I think there was a little part of every man in the room that was jealous of him. I sensed that even his own best friend, Bucky Barnes, who had shared so many years with him as if they were brothers, envied him. But Bucky never really showed it and neither did I. Neither of us would let our envy amount to anything. Bucky was too bound by loyalty and love to Steve. The two were really practically brothers. As for me, I could never really admit to myself that I was envious; I had been so accustomed to being admired and looked up to my whole life, that I could not accept that I was wanting of what someone else had. It also seemed wrong to have any feeling but good ones toward someone like Steve. For he was nothing but good. America was in love with him; he was their golden boy, their hero. And Peggy was in love with him too. But, I could never admit that that was the reason I was jealous of him. I wouldn't quite say I was in love with her like Rogers was, but I felt that Peggy and I shared a special bond, and I was slightly annoyed that Rogers had joined in on it. We all thought he would come back victorious, to the sounds of cheers and applause. That Steve Rogers, the man that the country called Captain America, would return home, the war would be over and all would be well. That everything would go back to the way it was before. But, that was not what happened. Steve sacrificed himself to save thousands of others, by crashing an enemy plane, the German HYDRA division's _Valkyrie_, into the ocean. We didn't know what had happened to him. But the chances of surviving a crash like that weren't the strongest. Peggy, of course was devastated. She'd spoken to no one since Steve crashed his plane last week. The next day, the Colonel had ordered us all back to our base in London, thinking it would hardly be safe where we were in the Alps.

When the clock struck nine o'clock for the day, I gathered up my belongings and began to leave the office. I was filled with a sense of emptiness. I hadn't been close to Rogers, but I felt lonely without him. He had given us purpose, he was the flag that we all rallied under. And without him, there was still a war to fight, but less of what we were fighting for. We had lost our vision of what we were fighting for, what Steve was fighting for; the passion for freedom, for America. Instead of leaving us eager to follow in his footsteps and win the war for him, losing him had made us all feel hollow on the inside.

As I walked through the office rooms, I glanced towards Peggy's desk and saw her emotionlessly rearranging the things on her desk. The sight of her filled me with a sense of pity for her. It was a strange feeling that I was filled with for I had never pitied Peggy before. She had always been such a strong person that the pity would've been misplaced. Pity was for those you felt were weak and needy; Peggy was neither of those. Pitying Peggy made me increasingly uncomfortable, it was an unpleasant feeling seeing someone who was usually so tough and independent seem so empty.

I made my way over to her desk and sat down next to her.

"Peggy?" I asked.

No answer.

I put my arm around her shoulders. "Peggy, I know you are upset. But, don't give up yet. Not until we have to. I promise I'll keep looking. I will try to rescue Steve for you. We'll rescue him. Together."

_What was I saying? _I thought to myself. Only giving her false hope and promising something that I couldn't do. We both knew that Rogers hadn't made it out of the plane crash. But seeing her so upset made me feel obligated in any way that I could take away her misery. And also, there was a part of me, that wanted to play hero, even at a time like this. It was like acting out a terrible charade.

"Fair?" I asked.

She looked up at me, with her big brown eyes that were all red from crying and slowly nodded.


	4. Chapter 4

_December 1945, New York _

But despite my efforts, I could not find Steve. Despite my promise, I accomplished nothing except for bringing back the Tesseract. I returned from months of sailing the Atlantic, searching for any sign of Rogers to find that Peggy was no longer working at the SSR and that the government had shut down it down, thinking that there was no work for it to do anymore. I had no way to contact her, no way to tell her that I had failed. Miserably, completely failed. But, there wasn't any doubt in my mind that she'd hear about it anyways, the papers were bound to talk about what I was doing. They always did and I had been taught by my father only to ever let them hear about the good. But there was no way to make my failed rescue mission look like anything but a failure. So I traveled to Long Island, to one of my many mansions and attempted to do something besides sulk in self pity. I knew that my troubles were hardly as bad as those of others, but I could not help feeling sorry for myself.

On one of these uneventful days on Long Island, my cousin, Elissa, invited me over to her house in the city for Christmas.

"So Howard," she smiled, "what are you up to nowadays?"

"To be honest, not much. Just a lot of thinking," I said.

"Hmmmm. Anything scientific and genius? Or just the simple stuff that regular people think about?" she joked.

"A little of both," I laughed.

"You know, my best friend, Maria, she's a big fan of yours. She really likes all the science stuff, reads about all the newest inventions."

"Oh well, I'll give her a tour sometime."

She nodded, "Oh yes, I think she'd like that."

We continued to talk and I told her about my newest idea to create a new version of the SSR.

"I've already talked to Colonel Phillips about it," I said. "I think we're going to call it S.H.I.E.L.D. What do you think?'

"Hmmmmm, that's a very good name," she reassured, not understanding that it was a reference to Rogers.

"You think?"

"Yeah, I do. Are you going back to Long Island?"

I nodded. "I have to make a quick stop by the cafe next door though, I'd love a nice strong coffee."

She rose from her seat, "I can make you some now."

"Nah, it's alright Elissa, I have to get going now anyways."

"Okay. I'll see you soon," she said as she hugged me.

I made my way to the door, "See you soon Elissa."

I strode out into the cold night air and looked up as snow began to fall. Just then as I had been distractedly walking along, staring up into the sky, I ran into someone.

"Oh! Sorry about that, here let me help-" then I looked at her face.

"Howard!"

"Peggy! Oh, I'm so glad to see you! I got back months ago, but I didn't know how to contact you or anything."

"Oh, it's alright, ummmm yeah its fine," she replied awkwardly.

I took a moment and looked at her, surprised that she was seemed frazzled and embarrassed. Women were usually shy when I talked to them, but I'd always thought since I'd known Peggy for so long, I didn't have that particular effect on her.

"You look cold Peggy. Do you want to go get some coffee with me?"

"Ummm no, I- I'm okay."

She did look awfully cold. Then again, anyone would be cold in that thin, threadbare coat she was wearing. She looked unusually pale with dark circles under her eyes. Then, I realized that losing her job at the SSR had probably put her in the situation of many others after the war, a lack of money and sometimes no one to turn to.

"You sure?" I asked.

"Ummm on second thought, I think I'll come, it is pretty cold."

We arrived at the cafe and ordered coffees. Peggy insisted on paying for her own and we talked for a while about meaningless things, both of us afraid to bring up Rogers.

"Do you want a ride back to your house?" I asked as we rose to leave. "I can ask Jarvis."

She shook her head. "No, its alright. I can walk back myself, its not too far."

"Alright. And one more thing Peggy."

She turned around to face me, "Yes?"

"Could you give me a call when you have a chance?" I asked, handing her a slip of paper with my phone number. "There's just something I wanted to talk to you about."

"Oh, yeah. No problem. Sure."

We walked out the door together and I realized that she was shivering. I took of my coat and draped it over her shoulders.

She looked up at me, "Oh. That's alright, I'm fine."

"Peggy, it's freezing, and I'm getting in the car soon anyways."

"Thanks, I'll give it back to you next time I see you."

"Okay Peggy. Take good care of it, it cost a lot!" I called.

"I will!" she replied with a laugh, and I realized that it was the first time she'd smiled since I'd seen her.

Peggy

I made my home, through the now ankle deep snow that had fallen and finally arrived at my tiny flat forty-five minutes later. I walked through the door and kept Howard's coat on. It was freezing inside. I picked up the telephone and dialed Howard's number.

I was greeted by a very British sounding voice that I took to be Jarvis.

"Hello, is Howard there? It's Peggy."

"Peggy, yes, Howard will be on the line in a moment."

I waited for about a minute and wondered what it was that Howard wanted to talk to me about.

"Peggy!"

"Hello Howard. You said you wanted to talk to me?"

"Yes, well. I wanted you to come work with me on something."

I was quite surprised at this. I was not a scientific person. I was an agent and I didn't think he needed any top secret government work done. "Look, Howard, thanks but I'm alright for now and to be completely blunt about it I don't really need charity-"

"No, no Peggy, I'm not doing this out of pity for you," he interrupted. "I really do need your help. I want you to help me start a new version of the SSR. Colonel Phillips and I were going to call it S.H.I.E.L.D."

"And you want my help?"

"Of course I do. Give yourself some credit, Peggy."

I laughed. "Is Howard Stark asking for someone's help?"

"Hey, quit while you're ahead!" he joked.

I thought about this. It was a good opportunity, no doubt about it. "Okay, sure. When do we start?"

"Tomorrow. Where do you want Jarvis to pick you up? It might be hard to walk to Long Island."

I laughed and told him the address of my little flat.

"Okay, Jarvis will pick you up at 8, Agent Carter."

I woke up the next morning to the muted pinkish purple of the sun rising into the sky. Six o'clock, thirty minutes before I had set my alarm clock. I got ready, grabbed Howard's coat and walked out the door at 8 o'clock precise, just as a sleek black car pulled up the street.

Jarvis got out and graciously opened the door for me. "Miss Carter," he greeted me.

"Good morning, Jarvis."

I climbed into the car and we began the drive to Long Island.

When we finally arrived at our destination, I was stunned by how big Howard's mansion was. It was white and blended in with the mountains of snow that had accumulated from the night before. Wreaths were hung around the house and all the trees in the yard were encircled with strings of lights.

As I climbed out of the car, Howard walked out to meet me. He looked so very handsome and glamorous, just like his enchanting house. He had worn his usual outfit of a white collared shirt and a tan vest over it, but today he had on another, no doubt expensive, coat since it was still snowing.

"Agent Carter, welcome to Stark mansion, one of many, but I assure you, probably the prettiest one around Christmas time."

"Yes, it is very beautiful."

"Just like you darling, did Jarvis tell you that you look absolutely lovely today? Because you do."

I giggled. I had gotten used to Howard's flirtatious attitude. He knew me well enough to know we would both get a good laugh.

"I have your coat."

"Oh thanks darling. I was missing this today."

"Don't we have S.H.I.E.L.D. work to do?"

He grinned. "This is why I asked you to help me with this, Peggy. I would've forgotten."

So we worked on S.H.I.E.L.D. Six days a week, sometimes seven days a week. Colonel Phillips would come in once every few weeks to see how things were coming along, but most of the time it was just me and Howard, spending countless hours taking notes, deciding who to include in S.H.I.E.L.D. or just talking. But, we never talked about Steve. I sensed that Howard didn't want to bring back painful memories and upset me. And as for me, I could not decide whether or not I wanted to forget. If I could forget and go on with life, I wouldn't feel so heartbroken. But I couldn't forget Steve. I don't think anyone could even if they tried.

One day after working nonstop for three weeks in a row, Howard threw down his notes and exclaimed, "I think we need a break."

I looked up from what I was writing. "Oh well, we can go for some lunch."

"No," he said, "we need a real break. A vacation maybe. How's Europe sound to you?"

"What?"

"I have been working too long, Peggy. I need a break so I can think better. I have an idea to go to France."

"France?!" I burst out, "Howard! We have work to do! You can't just leave me here to do all of it!"

"I'm not leaving you with all the work because I was going to ask you to come with me."

"What?"

"Would. You. Like. To. Come. To. France. With. Me. Or anywhere you'd like. But we need a vacation."

I laughed incredulously at how spontaneous he was. "And when is the said trip to France?" I asked.

"Tomorrow? I was thinking tomorrow. So are you coming?"

I looked at the piles of papers I needed to sort through, all the plans and maps and ideas. "France doesn't sound too bad," I grinned.

So we packed our bags and took a flight, on Howard's personal jet, to France.


	5. Chapter 5

_January 1946, France_

We landed in Paris early in the morning and then drove to Howard's chateau just outside of the city.

"I swear you seem like you have a mansion in every big city in the world!" I exclaimed.

"Hmm, not every one. Just most."

It was a gorgeous house. Not as grand as the one on Long Island, but it had the quaint little French charm about it. There were symmetrical hedge mazes surrounding the house and neat gardens further up past the house. Howard walked around the house with me and showed me my room. It was the most beautiful room I had ever had for sure. The walls were painted the lightest color of sky blue and there was a big window that overlooked a little river that ran past the house.

Howard smiled as I ran around the room. "Do you like it?" he asked, already knowing the answer.

"I love it," I sighed. "And I even get my own walk in closet?"

"Yes you do," he answered. "Now, what do you say we do some exploring around Paris?"

Howard

I smiled as Peggy walked down the grand staircase with me, marveling at the glamour of it all. It fascinated me to see how excited she was at everything. It was all new to her and for the first time, I saw things through her eyes. I had always taken all the luxuries of life for granted, my family had been wealthy and well-known for as long as I remembered. I had always stayed at beautiful mansions when I went on vacation since I was a child and where my family didn't have a house, we always stayed in the best rooms of the best hotel in the city. But it was all new to Peggy and I was quite proud of myself for being the one who'd impressed her and made her so happy after she'd been so heartbroken over Rogers.

We went to all the best restaurants and we never had to wait. We visited to the Eiffel Tower and walked around the Louvre Museum. We wandered the streets of Paris, holding hands and laughing at the times we had spent in London. It was as if we didn't have a care in the world.

The one thing that did bother Peggy was the attention. The French paparazzi, the lights flashing in our faces when we walked out of a building, the loudly shouted questions all made her extremely uncomfortable. They hardly fazed me, I had gone with my mother and father to press conferences and social events since I was a child, but Peggy, who'd grown up in the English countryside could hardly bear it. Whenever the press would show up, she would draw closer to me and whisper "Can we go now?" Of course I would always say yes. I once told her, "Just smile and wave, that's all they want you to do anyways. Put on a good show for them to put in the papers." She would then manage a tight smile and with her hand linked around my arm, we would hurry towards the car where Jarvis would be waiting to drive us home. I never fully understood why strong-willed, tough Peggy was made so uncomfortable by a few flashing cameras, but I didn't ask. Despite that, I could tell that when the time came for us to go back to the U.S. she was disappointed. Going to France had been like escaping from reality for a while and we were both reluctant to go back.

We went back. Back to Long Island and working on S.H.I.E.L.D. After a long day of work, I went on a visit to my cousin Elissa's apartment in the city.

"That was quite a buzz you made in Paris there."

I continued to read the book in my hands. "Did I?" I asked uninterested. "Did the French media make it all the way across the Atlantic?"

"They didn't have to, the papers here were talking all about you."

"Ah, the price you pay for being rich and famous," I said humorously.

She looked at me solemnly. "Well, your girlfriend doesn't seem to like it too much."

"Girlfriend? Oh you mean Peggy, nah, we're just friends."

"That's not what it looked like to the reporters. Then again, can you blame them? The two of you traipsing through Paris, to this museum and that opera."

"Elissa, trust me when I say we are just friends."

She raised her eyebrows. "Well, then you had better tell her what the papers are saying about her, seeing as she seems to hate the attention in the first place."

I sat with Peggy the next day, pondering over some letters we had gotten regarding S.H.I.E.L.D.

"Peggy?" I whispered.

"Hmmm? What is it?" she asked, lifting her head from the stack of papers she'd been going over.

"Some of the papers are writing some things that might to be true necessarily."

"And?"

"Well some of it's about you. They think we're umm a couple."

Her face strangely remained quite unsurprised. "You're not bothered by it?" I asked.

"Well it's good to know they put all those pictures they took of us walking around in Paris to good use."

"Is that a no?"

"Well, worst things have been written about people in the papers."

"So you don't mind?" I asked, completely stunned by her reaction.

"I mind, but not too much," she replied.

"Would you mind less if it were true?"

"What?"

"You heard me."

She said nothing. Then she laughed awkwardly. No, I wouldn't mind if it were true."


	6. Chapter 6

_April 1946, New York City_

Maria

"Elissa, you have to let me come!" I burst out.

"Maria its not that big of a deal! And don't you already have something to do that day?"

"I'm coming," I concluded. "And you have to do my hair."

"Seriously?" she asked.

"Yes, Elsie you're doing my hair. I have to look good if I'm coming to your party. And didn't you say your cousin is coming?"

She rolled her eyes, "Yes, he's coming."

"I cannot believe you're cousins with Howard Stark! You are so lucky! But then again, I pity you, you can't date him," I giggled. "You have to introduce us."

"Fine," she sighed. "But don't be disappointed, he's bringing bringing a date-"

"He's bringing a date?! What? You never told me this Elsie!"

She laughed, finding my reaction hilarious.

"This is not funny Elsie, stop laughing!" I demanded.

"Well, I would've thought you knew, Maria, all the papers were talking about it. You're the one who's practically in love with him."

"I am not. I've never talked to him!"

"Oh please, Maria you have a huge crush on him. It's like a celebrity crush."

I stamped my feet. "Whatever, I'm coming to your party."

Peggy

"It's nice to meet you Peggy, I'm Howard's cousin, Elissa."

We were at Elissa's party. Both she and Howard called it a little party, but it seemed like a big party to me. It was at the Waldorf Astoria Hotel in New York City and she had invited all the wealthy, well-known people from the city.

"Hi Elissa." I smiled.

"Oh, you can call me Elsie!" she giggled, and Howard laughed too.

She was definitely as charming as Howard, maybe it was a quality that the Starks all had. But Howard was more glamorous while she was all sweet and bubbly. She looked nothing like him at all, with pretty golden hair that looked like warm rays of summer sunshine and sky blue eyes.

"Oh Howard! Come here, I need to introduce you to someone!" She grabbed his hand and steered him towards the other end of the room. I followed to, interested in who we were about to meet. It could be any acclaimed, celebrated person seeing as this was a party that Elissa Stark was hosting.

She led us to a petite, graceful girl standing in a corner, listening attentively to the person talking to her. She had obviously seen us walking over, but was in the process of making herself seem completely absorbed in the dull conversation she seemed to be having with a rather pretentious young man.

Elissa tapped her on the shoulder and she delicately turned her face towards her friend.

"Maria, you wanted to meet Howard? Remember?" Aside to Howard, she whispered, "she's quite a big fan of yours."

The girl looked at her friend through her long eyelashes and smiled. "Oh, yes, I did, didn't I? I almost forgot…" she trailed off.

"Well, Maria this is Howard Stark, Howard Stark this is Maria Carbonell."

Howard nodded at her politely. "It's nice to meet you Miss Carbonell, Elissa told me you're interested in some of the technology my company makes. You must spend a lot of time studying science."

Maria giggled. Her laugh was a light little sound, like the sound of wind chimes. "Oh, not too much really."

I couldn't help feeling annoyed. Her attempts at trying to seem uninterested really were pathetic.

Howard didn't look as annoyed as I was. "Well, if you'd like Miss Carbonell, I can give you a tour sometime, let you take a look of the latest things I've been working on. If you'd like."

She laughed. "Yeah, maybe if I have time."

"Well, let Elissa know. She can call me."

"Of course," she agreed.

When the party was over, Howard helped me into my coat and we went outside to where Jarvis was waiting with the car.

"Oh, how petty was she?" I exclaimed.

He looked at me with genuine confusion. "Who?"

"What's her name? Maria."  
>"Oh her. You didn't like her did you?" he asked with a grin.<p>

"No. Did you see how she was trying to look so uninterested in you? Thank God she's not an actress."

"Well, I didn't mind her too much."

_Oh, I could tell, _I thought to myself.

"Peggy? Is that a bit of jealousy I see?" You know green's not a good color for you," he joked.

"No-no! It's just-" I stopped. "She was just annoying is all."

Howard

It was all going well. Peggy and I worked on S.H.I.E.L.D. and in our spare time went to the museum, walked around Central Park and fed the pigeons, and went to see the ballet. But then some fool who had worked in the SSR, and neither of us knew who, went to the press and told them that Peggy and Rogers had been a couple. And that was a disaster. Sure, it gave the reporters plenty to write about but it was terribly embarrassing for Peggy and they wrote the worst things about her. I told her not to let it get to her, but she was still upset.

Maria

The phone rang and I walked slowly towards it.

"Hello?"

"Maria! It's me!"

"Elsie!" I squealed. "I'm coming over you're house for dinner tonight! Ooooh and I'm wearing my new Chanel dress! Oh, wait until you see it, its so pretty!"

She didn't say anything. "Elsie! Are you even listening to me?!"

"Maria, umm Howard is going to be there tonight-"

"He is?! You never tell me anything, Elsie!" I sighed in exasperation.

"Listen, Maria!" she interrupted. "Don't be too, what's the word. Loud. Just for today. Howard's likely to be in a not too good mood."

"Oh gosh! Why?" I asked.

"Well…" she trailed off. "I don't know if I should say."

"For heaven's sake Elsie, you can't _not_ tell me now!" I snapped.

"Umm… He asked Peggy to marry him-"

"WHAT?!"

"Let me finish. And she said no."

'WHAT? Really?"

"Yes. I'll see you tonight. Don't be too loud."

"Wait, wait, wait, wait, Elsie don't hang up! Is _she _going to be there." I asked.

"Yes." she replied.

"See you tonight. Bye, Elsie."

It was so terribly awkward. We all sat in silence mostly, and sometimes I would attempt to start a conversation and only get one word answers. Elsie didn't need to tell me not to be loud, I hardly had anyone to talk to.


	7. Chapter 7

_December 1946, New York City_

It wasn't until December that I saw the two of them again. But things were obviously just as cold between them. It was at Elissa's masked ball that I had been looking forward to go to all year. I sat next to Elissa and whispered in her ear.

"Do you think he will ask me to dance?" I asked.

Elissa sighed. "Well, Maria. Did you miss the part where he brought a date?" she replied sarcastically. "Really, he's already with Peggy, I think if you'd just accept that you would be far happier."

"But Elsie! Just look at them! They are a terrible match! They hardly talk and she's so quiet to begin with! Look at her, she's so dull and serious! How on earth could someone who gets to see Howard Stark all the time, look so sad?! And he's so incredibly handsome and smart and interesting!"

"Maria!" she exclaimed, exasperated. "It's really none of your business because he obviously sees something in her so let's leave it at that!"

"Oh Elsie, why do you always have to be so logical?"  
>"I'm just saying that you'll have to content yourself with just admiring him at a distance for now," she said.<p>

"For now?" I gasped. "For now? You think they are going to break up don't you?"  
>She turned red. "No, I didn't say that."<p>

I grinned. "No, but you as good as told me they would," I muttered under my breath.

So I sat there for a while, blissfully aware that Howard would soon finally be free to date anyone he wanted. Elissa looked terribly annoyed at spilling the secret to me, but I would've figured it out myself anyways. Whenever Howard would remark upon something to Peggy, she would give an almost imperceptible nod or shake of her head. The music began to play but they did not dance together. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Howard ask Peggy if she would dance, but she only gave him a blank look and shook her head. I'd expected that. But to my surprise, he stood up and started walking toward Elissa and me.

"He's going to ask you to dance!" I whispered to her. It was the more likely thing to happen; it wouldn't be uncommon for someone to dance with their cousin. When he made his way over to us, instead of asking Elissa to dance, he turned to me; to my complete astonishment. He held his hand out to me and asked,

"Maria, would you like to dance with me?"

I smiled, "Sure," I said.

Peggy

I watched them dance from where I was sitting and was overcome with conflicting feelings. The first most obvious one was jealousy. Jealousy with a twinge of annoyance. I wondered why out of all people, he would have chosen Maria. If he had danced with Elissa I would have been fine with it, but he knew that Maria had been flirting with him. And he knew I disliked her. As I saw Howard draw closer to her and whisper into her ear when the steps of the dance brought them next to each other, I was so envious that I almost felt sick for a moment. But there was a part of me, that knew I had no right to be upset with either of them. When Howard had asked me to marry him, I had said no. The reason was because I knew that I would never stop being in love with Steve. I could never let go and move on and it would have hardly been fair to Howard to be married to someone who was only half in love with him. And I couldn't even promise that. I shared a bond with Howard, we had been through so much together, but it was not the same type of true love that I had felt for Steve. I couldn't admit to myself that I loved Howard without feeling like I had betrayed my love for Steve. When it came down to the bottom line, I was still in love with Steve, and that would come before any feelings I felt now because I could not let go of Steve.

Howard

I led Maria out to the dance floor. She looked at me confidently as the music began. She was graceful, she never missed one step and danced like a fairy. She almost floated, with a serene smile on her face that made you feel as though everything would be alright and that if she was so content with life, then you should be too. As the dance ended, we walked off the dancefloor and out into the courtyard. I realized she was shivering and immediately took of my jacket wrapped it around her shoulders.

"Thanks," she said, gratefully. "It's cold out here," she remarked, holding her hand out to catch the snowflakes that had begun to fall. "Do I get to keep it?" she joked, looking at the jacket, "It's very nice."

I laughed, "If you'd like," I replied.

"You know, I think I just might," she giggled.

We walked for a while longer and talked about her childhood. It was quite similar to mine as she had grown up in a well-known family just as I had. Her family, the Carbonells, were one of the "old money" families of the East, they had made their fortune in the shipping business years ago, trading all around the the east coast of America and in Europe as well. We found we had a lot in common and I asked her what her favorite thing to do was.

"Oh, I like to write," she answered. "But when I was younger, I wanted to be a ballerina." She smiled embarrassedly, "I wasn't very good though."

"You're a lovely dancer, truly. Best girl I've danced with really."

"Better than Elissa?" she laughed. "That's where I met her you know, ballet class at school."

"Well, Elissa is maybe better technically, but she's not quite as graceful as you," I smiled.

"Oh, I'll have to tell her that next time," she joked. "She won't mind, I've known her forever, we met at boarding school in France you know."

"Really? Do you speak French?" I asked.

She nodded, "Actually I do, better than English since I spent some of my childhood in France."

I switched to French, curious to see how good she was and found that she was as good as she said. We talked in French for a while, talking about Paris and her favorite places to visit in Europe.

As we were about to go back inside, I noticed snow all over her hair. "Wait," I said, brushing it off gently, "you have snow all over your hair."

She looked up then her gaze fell on something above our heads.

"Ah, mistletoe," she laughed, pointing above us. "_Se embrasser sous le gui,_ to kiss under the mistletoe, isn't that what they say in France?"

"Yes, it is." I said.

"Hmm, yes that's what I thought."

We stood for a moment as it continued to snow around us and the warm golden lights from the party inside filled the courtyard.

"We should go inside, the snow's starting to pile up on you again." I laughed.

"Is it?" she asked, "I didn't even notice."

As we walked back inside, she took the jacket and handed it to me. "Thank you. That was very nice of you."

"Well, I couldn't just have let you shiver the whole time, you wouldn't have been any fun to talk to," I joked.

"Well, I'm glad you had fun talking to me," she said, and walked back to sit with Elissa.

I heard Elissa ask "Where were you?" and Maria reply, "Oh I was just talking to your cousin about France, I think we lost track of time out there but we did start talking about you a little, so there was plenty to talk about."

I smiled to myself, Maria was so likable. It was her charisma, she could connect with any conversation and she made you want keep spending time with her in the curious, carefree little world that she wove around herself and anyone she was with. I sat back down next to Peggy and she asked "Where were you?"

"I was just talking with Maria outside. We were just talking about France."

"You could have stayed and talked to me," she replied. "I went to France. With you. Or did you forget?"

Peggy

Each time we went to see Elissa, Maria would be there. And each time Howard would spend time with her, talking about operas and ballets and paintings they had seen. Things that he had never talked about with me. The two of them loved big, grand, glamorous things. Beautiful things that seemingly had no flaws on the outside, a bit like them. They would be saying something in English, then they would quickly switch to French so that only they understood each other. Elissa could speak French too, but not as fluently despite going to boarding school in France, and Howard and Maria would speak especially quickly so that they were seemingly alone in their conversation. It would always be something along the lines of how some painting or historical event had impacted one thing or another. I understood that they enjoyed each other's company, but it obviously was deeper than that, but the two just wouldn't admit that they had feelings for each other. I would simply sit silently and listen to what they were saying, not understanding anything. Maria would then look at me and say, half-apologetically, "I'm sorry, it is just easier to say in French, I cannot find the right word in English you know?" I would nod politely and say, "Of course, its fine."

But it wasn't fine. Inwardly, I got more and more annoyed and jealous until finally one day when Howard and I were sitting by beach at his mansion, I quite impulsively said,

"You know, if you're in love with Maria, you can just say it."

He looked at me, bewildered, "I'm sorry?" he asked.

"You and Maria are always spending so much time together." I accused.

"Yes, I enjoy her company that's all."

"Oh, I think it's more than that, don't you think?"

"Peggy, you're not really the type to get jealous."

I sighed, "Well how could I not, I feel like I'm always being compared to her, and she _always_ wins. And I am so tired of it, Howard."

He laughed ruefully. "Peggy, I think you've compared me to Rogers ever since you met him."

That stopped me. I couldn't deny that because it was true.

His voice softened, "I'm sorry Peggy, that wasn't-"

"No, you're right Howard. You're completely right. I can't let go of Steve."

"It never would've worked out between us, would it?" he asked.

"No, I don't think so." I said. "And Howard thank you for… for everything. I hope you understand, because…" I trailed off.

I leaned in and kissed him lightly, "Because I want you to be happy; you deserve someone who loves you with their whole heart. And I think you know who that is."


	8. Chapter 8

_July 1954, Long Island_

Epilogue

I look towards the sky as I listened to the sound of the distant waves and the trees rustling around me. Somewhere a bird begins to sing a little melody.

"Enjoying yourself?"

I turned to see Howard walk down from his mansion.

"Aren't you up early!" he exclaimed.

"Yes, I wanted to get up to see the sunrise over the ocean," I said.

"You never fail to amaze me, Peggy. How much you love the little things, I don't know many people like that."

"And you, you love grand things. Big, interesting fancy things. But you're happy, right?"

"Yes, I am. And you? Are you happy?"

"Yes, I am," I replied.

"Good, I always just wanted to see you happy, you know?"

I nodded silently and we both turned our faces towards the ocean to see the sky slowly turn from the rosy pink and orange of sunrise to blue. We sat like that for a while, without talking.

"I remember you dragged me out of a restaurant, in the middle of dinner, to see the sun set over the Seine in France. Do you remember that?"

I laughed. "I do, it was so beautiful that day."

"There you are!"

I turned to see Maria walk towards us across their massive lawn. She wore a pretty pink dress that swished around her feet and her dark wavy hair floated behind her as she made her way delicately towards us. She looked like the very picture of a perfect lady, as always.

" We got back from the show so late last night! I'm glad you stayed here Peggy, it would've been terrible to have to travel all the way home at that hour! What are you two doing out here so early?" she remarked, laughing.

"Just watching the sun rise over the water," Howard replied.

"Oh yes… I suppose it must look very pretty going up on a clear day like today, doesn't it?" she asked, not quite understanding why someone would get up to watch the sun go up although she woke up in a mansion with the most beautiful of views every day.

"Is Tony still asleep?" Howard asked.

Maria laughed, "Oh yes, the dear insisted on waiting up for us all to get home last night. He must've stayed up until midnight."

The three of us walked inside and had some breakfast before I hugged them both goodbye and promised to visit again soon.

On the way back home, I felt a strange feeling of loneliness. I shook it off, and thought about going back to my own home and husband. I had married Gabe Jones, a man who had been rescued by Steve during the war. He was one of the kindest most wonderful people I had ever met and I felt I had found my place and could be content. Still, the feeling of emptiness did not leave me and I realized that although Gabe was wonderful, he wasn't Howard.


End file.
